Real reason I was divorced twice – Stanley Okorie

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GistReel

Veteran Nollywood soundtrack composer and singer, Stanley Okorie opens the cans of worms behind the failures of his first two marriages.

The soundtrack composer shared these candid reflections during a conversation with popular media personality, Chude Jideonwo.

Okorie stated that his first wife divorced him because she considered his songs “stupid” while also admitting to being an “insensitive” husband.

Speaking on his second marriage, Stanley Okorie revealed that the loss of his wife and child caused him to seek solace in music.

Stanley Okorie on why his wives divorced him

My first divorce was the most painful. You know, the first cut is always the deepest. I have my own share of blame. Most people, when they talk about their problems in a marriage or a relationship, are quick to highlight the other person’s faults. I’m not saying I was entirely at fault, but I was a very insensitive husband. I blame myself for that one.

“I wasn’t a caring husband. Sometimes, if my wife did her hair, I’d say, ‘I’m going to the studio, come ooo.’ No, that’s not nice. I wouldn’t remember her birthday because there was a time I was doing all the job [Nollywood soundtracks], and people would call me from London, pay for my ticket, and I would go and do the music. I thought providing for the family was enough. But sometimes, the first rule of love is presence. You can give all the money, but the first rule of love is presence.

“My first wife wasn’t after money. Sometimes, when I gave her money, I’d return to find the money on the table. I was very busy with music, going from studio to studio. So when I look back, I see that’s the cost. Everything comes at a cost.

“Economists call it opportunity cost. In my first marriage, I was very, very insensitive. If I had been more mature—of course, I married very young—I wondered why she wasn’t seeing all the work I was doing. I failed on that score.

“The first day she looked at me and said, ‘I can’t take this anymore,’ I knew she was telling the truth, so I didn’t want to argue. Instead of going to beg her, I was singing stupid songs to console myself.

“After that, I went through a second divorce. At some point, my wife died. My son died. Some of the songs I sing were my escape from my sad reality, and they helped me deal with it to some level. But I tell you, there’s no method of dealing with a problem better than confronting the problem.

“So music wasn’t fair to me on that score. I was using it as an escape instead of confronting my problems. Some things that delight you today will, at some point, hurt. So that’s how it’s been a blessing and a curse. But I’m happy now where I am. I’m happily married with kids, doing well, and still recording music.”

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